Monday, November 2, 2009

Verse for the first part of November

Proverbs 12:25

An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Feeling numb... praising God

Just over a week ago (10/10/09 at 3:40 p.m.) my Daddy went to be with Jesus.

I honestly admit, that I have been a bit envious of him. Yes, overwhelmingly I miss him... and I know that I'm still just very numb and that it has not all sunk in yet... But my heart aches for heaven.

I feel numb. I feel weary. I feel a bit of emptiness and the sense that life will never quite be the same again, but still I feel joy and hope in the midst of this sadness. I know I will see my daddy again.

Thank you, Lord, for sending Jesus to this earth... For letting him live the perfect life he did; die far too soon and in such a cruel manner... but thank you most of all that he rose from the death and prepared the way for us to have life eternal! May I never take for granted the free gift you have given to me. May I never hold so closely to this life and my "comforts" that my heart stops aching for heaven.

Thank you for giving me the dad you did on this earth to teach me how to live... and... how to die as well.

Gratefully your child, I am seeking to find my rest in you. I lift up my eyes to you...

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

1000 Blessings Post 3

54. Rain falling softly hitting tree leaves gently...

55. Making it through more tests with my daddy. So glad to spend this time with him.

56. Compassionate nurses.

57. Friends who drive the miles to deliver a meal, or clean the house, or do some laundry, or do an errand, or mow the lawn almost 500 miles away or.... so many kind ones to be thankful for... so thoughtful, so loving... so much of Christ's agape in action.

58. The chance to trust God for my daily manna... every moment of every day. Finding the reality that I cannot do any of this on my own strength; and finding that to be a relief-- it's not about me!

60. Singing hymns as I drive daddy home from the hospital

61. Seeing many extended family wounds healing before my eyes-- wow God, you are so amazing!

62. 62- years my daddy has been on this earth!

63. The ability to feel... to cry... to grieve... to smile.. to laugh... to hold on to hope!

64. Driving with the clouds above, but totally protected from the storm.

65. Knowing he covers us not just in this physical storm, but in this bigger storm of our lives.

66. Filled with gratitude for his everlasting arms.

67. Knowing so deep down that through it all... he has and he will continue to provide.

Lord, thank you for being such an excellent provider. Please help us cling to you with all that we are.

holy experience
59. Mama working on walking again! Praises to the Lord for her healing in her bones.

Monday, September 14, 2009

1000 Blessings Post 2

38. Caring for them all

39. Deep sighs; releasing the burdens

40. Walking with my daddy, age 62... hand in hand to his first appointment with the oncologist

41. Hearing the news... 6-9 months at most... but with His support... holding on.... underneath are the everlasting arms.

42. Heartfelt prayers with the people that mean the most to me in all the world... daddy, mother, my dear husband... my baby sleeping nearby

43. Flowers: flocks, cock's comb, aster, petunia... the beauty of Indian summer

44. Sunrises shared

45. My rock steady solid husband.

46. Friends and family who demonstrate His love in action. True agape!

47. Picking them up to take them all home- two wheelchairs, one stroller, one faithfully solid husband.

48. Enjoying the sounds of the a summer evening in the country... the music makers of the night... buzzing bugs, chirping crickets...

49. Hearing his snore; knowing he's resting from a long day... bittersweet to hear that snore... thankful to get to hear it now.

50. Holding her hand... my mama...knowing she's grasping to wrap her brain around it all... knowing she doesn't know how to say goodbye... being able to point her to HIM who is I AM.

51. Feeling his strength rise within me... strength I most definitely do not have on my own. Knowing he's love is true... his love never fails... his love can be shown through me... Please Lord, may it be so!

52. Blessings in being without work?? We can be here.... Thank you God for providing in the unexpecting blessings!

53. Trusting God for the manna for today.

Father, please give me this day my daily bread.

holy experience

Monday, September 7, 2009

Beginning... Today is Multitude Monday

1000 gifts Post number 1

1. I am overwhelmed by God's kindness in timing-- He has been so faithful over this last year and I have never felt far from his gentle hands-- even now

2. Sweet baby snuggles

3. My husband's tenderness

4. Ceiling fans

5. Quiet evenings before sunset

6. Cool breezes

7. Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown Pictures by Clement Hurd

8. The voice of the young mouse

9. Neighbors to care for my parents like M

10. Friends like L who call just to see how we're doing...

11. Phone calls across the miles

12. My white adirondack chair

13. Crazy Love by Francis Chan

14. Quiet moments of reflecting on his goodness

15. A kind word

16. Friends coming to the front steps to pray with us-- so unexpected... I didn't know they loved us like that-- so humbling... incredible to see the body of Christ in action

17. sweet baby smiles

18. sweet daddy and baby daughter giggles... playing on the floor as I prepare the meal nearby

19. reading incredible books with my husband aloud

20. challengingly good conversations in our Sunday School class

21. Breathing a deep sigh of relief-- my life is not about me!!!! Hallelujah!

22. Music! Song in my head right now: It's all about you, Jesus... and all this is for you... for your glory and your name... it's not about me... as if you should do things my way... you are my desire and I surrender... to your ways!!

23. Leisurely walks

24. Exploring the uncharted path...

25. Challenging interval walks on crisp mornings

26. Releasing burdens I was never meant to carry

27. A shy wave from an older couple across the way

28. Greetings from a neighbor who doesn't talk much

29. The gentle chirp of the birds in the trees

30. Morning glories doing what they do best

31. Bright pink petunias

32. sweet little baby noises

33. Siblings playing on a bike

34. Beginning of Autumn!!!

35. The rustle of the leaves in the gentle breeze

36. The first smells from my autumn candles

37. Stretching my mind... learning how to put this button on here!! :) (Thank you to my husband for his help!!!)

holy experience

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Creating something beautiful...

Deep within I feel the stirrings.. all around I feel the battle raging...

But more than all of this I sense a calling... a calling to something deeper, purer, truer... nobler... (Phillipians 4:8 comes to mind as I think on these things... things that are excellent. praiseworthy... the whole bit)

To feel deeply

To live purposefully

To love unconditionally

To hope fervently

To cling desperately to Him who sustains me

Lord I want more of you and I feel so humbled that you would be at work in and around me. I pray you would find me your humble servant and that I can agree with Mary... in Luke 1:38.

I am the Lord's servant. May it be as you say.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Show me your glory

Third Day

Lyrics from this Show Me Your Glory:

I caught a glimpse of Your splendor
In the corner of my eye
The most beautiful thing I've ever seen
And it was like a flash of lightning
Reflected off the sky
And I know I'll never be the same

Show me Your glory
Send down Your presence
I want to see Your face
Show me Your glory
Majesty shines about You
I can't go on without You, Lord

When I climb down the mountain
And get back to my life
I won't settle for ordinary things
I'm gonna follow You forever
And for all of my days
I won't rest 'til I see You again

Show me Your glory
Show me Your glory
I can't live without You

Oh Lord, I don't want to settle for ordinary things ever again. I want to follow you with all that I have and all that I am. Please make my life something beautiful that reflects you. Help people to see less of me and more of you. In Jesus name I pray it be so. Angela

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Life Theme

My scripture memory verse for September 1st... I basically know this verse already but I think it would be really good to continue to reflect upon it, so here we go:

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken."
Psalm 62:1-2

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Truly Resting in the Lord

"When we cry, 'Why, Lord?' we should ask instead, 'Why not, Lord? Shall I not follow my Master in suffering as in everything else?" -- E. Elliot


Sometimes I think we make life much harder than it needs to be.

I am coming out of a season of deep grief. One than has been compounded and added to as the time has went on... I know this is vague, but right now this is still as detailed as I can be about it all.... (The wounds are still somewhat fresh and yet in all of it, I continue to pray for mercy for others. Go figure. I really didn't expect that.. but I know that love always protects-- I Cor. 13-- and so I will continue to protect... Oh Lord, I do pray you would bless those who have cursed me!)

I have been very contemplative for a while now. But really there are simple truths that have guided my life for quite some time and these simple truths still lead me onward.

As a committed and passionate follower of Jesus Christ I have made it my ambition to lead a quiet life and to follow the Lord wherever he desires for me to go. This hasn't always been easy, or... it's not always been something I have submitted to easily I guess I should say... but I can say one thing truly and sincerely-- living for Jesus is better than anything!

I've seen a lot of inauthentic Christianity in my (relatively) short life mixed in with true chances to see real live authentic Christianity in action (praise the Lord for these times!!!) and the past months have been no exception.... but it has all brought me to this place... this place where I truly know I would rather have Jesus than anything. Makes me think of that wonderful old hymn:

I'd rather have Jesus than silver or gold.
I'd rather be his than have riches untold.
I'd rather have Jesus than worldwide fame.
I'd rather be true to his HOLY name....
I'd rather have Jesus than anything, this world affords today!

And so... I find myself ready. I know the Lord has huge plans for our life... and I understand that all of this... even this deep hurt and pain; truly like none I have felt so far in life until this point.... that truly all this is part of what we have needed to go through... to know what it means to truly rest in the Lord in all things... abandonment... lies... slander... Why not, Lord? Shall I not follow my Master in suffering as in everything else? Yes-- I trust you. Yes I trust your plans and your choice for the execution of those plans... YES... I trust you and ask for you to use all these things to bring me closer to you as you teach and guide me on this journey! I choose to live an authentic life before you! I choose to trust and depend upon you!

And so-- we're holding on to the things that are true. We're getting back to remembering that life isn't really so complicated afterall. Living this life will not mean an absence of pain... but that doesn't mean it is hard. Trusting the Lord to use all things for his good and glory truly isn't complicated but we have to stop and rest from our struggling and know that he is in control. His plans for us are good. His way for us is best. We have to stop making things so hard and just rest in him.

And I'm learning... something old yet new again: Resting in him is the best place to be.


My soul finds rest in God alone, my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation. He is my fortress; I will never be shaken. (from Psalm 62)

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I guess I've been feeling like music can best explain some of my thoughts for myself lately...

Two Hands
Jars of Clay

I’ve been living out of sanity
I’ve been splitting hairs and blurring lines
I am a house that is divided
In my heart and in my mind

I use one hand to pull closer
The other to push you away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high

I have a broken disposition
I’m a liar who thirsts for the truth
And while I ache for faith to hold me
I need to feel the scars and see the proof

And if we just keep digging we can reach the foundation
Of our souls
And if we just keep cutting all the chains from our hearts
We’ll lose control

And it feels like giving in
It feels like starting over
It feels like waking up, and you know it’s coming
It feels like a brand new day
Open your eyes

Friday, August 7, 2009

Broken and hurting

Believing that Jesus will have the last word over all and in all and through all things....

Oh Father, some pains are so huge... I have to believe that you will work this pain for good in my life. I have to believe that you are in control. I have to believe that you are who you say you are. Please use this deep, numbing pain for good in my life. I cling to you.

Glory by Selah

One day eyes that are blind will see you clearly
And one day all who deny will finally believe
One day hearts made of stone will break in pieces
And one day chains once unbroken will fall down at your feet
So we wait for that one day come quickly

We want to see your Glory
Every knee falls down before thee
Every tongue offers you praise
With every hand raised
Singing Glory
To you and unto you only
We'll sing
Glory to Your name

One day voices that lie will all be silent
One day all that's divided will be whole again
One day death will retreat and wave it's white flag
One day love will defeat the strongest enemy
So we wait for that one day come quickly


We know not the day or the hour
Or the moments in between
But we know the end of the story
When we'll see


Saturday, August 1, 2009

August 1st scripture memory verse

Ephesians 4: 1-2 (NASB)
"Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love,"

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Just watch and see... It will not be "Unredeemed"

This song from Selah... soon to be out officially this coming August 2009... means so much to me!

I don't know that I could say it any better... just so true and good!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Times of Refreshing...

The spring weather has been soo refreshing the last several days and today was just BEAUTIFUL! We walked over 10,000 steps this morning on our walk! I think this was somewhere in the vicinity of over 3 miles roundtrip! I was so shocked/thrilled! We've been trying to be faithful to walk each morning and we have just completed today.... six days in a row! We had been fitting more walks in here and there before this, but I am so glad we have started making these habits daily! Since I have had the goal of memorizing two scriptures per month (starting in January of this year) that I really NEED (not just something random... but something the Lord has revealed that I really really NEED), I have been using part of this walking time to review my spiral 3X5 notebook cards and it's been so much fun!

These past weeks have been really difficult.... I'm not even sure if I am ready to actually put onto paper what some of it has felt like, because I'm not even sure I can... it's been hard to process it alone, much less with my very godly and supportive husband, so I'm not even sure how I can do this yet in such a public forum... Except, of course it seems this is something I need... to share with whoever might benefit... In time, I think... in time...

There is just so much grief and loss to go through... and I think we have to be honest and just continue to go through it. Being honest with the Lord that THIS is where we are... and not trying to think we have anything figured out! Because we certainly don't... We can only depend on Him for strength to press forward in the midst of our pain... and share our hearts as openly as possible with one another and Him.

Lord, I am so greatful that you chose me to be yours! Long before I was born and long before I knew how desperately I needed you... you chose me! Thank you Jesus, for the indescribable joy in the midst of sorrow and great pain. I am so glad that you are my strong tower and fortress. My soul does find rest in you!

Psalm 18:30-33 As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. For who is God, except the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights. (From memory... so I hope this was mostly correct!!) NIV ** I had to check... just to be sure and I only had to change one word... I had put "makes my way straight" and it was "makes my way perfect".... )

I pray for anyone who reads this that you might find rest in God. Times of refreshing can be found in Him... as I seek Him, even in the midst of great sorrow, I can truly say that I find rest in Him.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Reflections between Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday

Psalm 18:3 I call the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies... Ps. 18:19b He...rescued me because he delighted in me.

Isaiah 55:8-9 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways highter than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

1 John 4:4 Greater is He who is within me than he who is in the world

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. (NKJV)

Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing

Habakkuk 3:19 Amplified version " The Lord God is my strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army. He makes my feet like hinds' feet and will make me walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering or responsibility]! For the Chief Musician, with my stringed instruments"

This may seem somewhat all "unrelated"... however, the reality that we have an enemy and that he is out for our isolation and destruction is true. Those of us who belong to Christ cannot be snatched away, but the enemy will do his best to crush/distract/derail... whatever method will work best. He has NO heart and will not hesitate to hit us again when we are down and so all the more we need to be on our guard and alert.

The best defense is a good offense. When we know the things that are TRUE.... when we take God AT HIS WORD and build our life on solid ground (HIM), we can withstand whatever evil might come or landslide toward us. God is greater than the evil that is in the world. HE HAS OVERCOME and this weekend is all about that. If Jesus had not died, we would still be dead in our sin and the enemy would not be defeated... but Satan IS already defeated. His time is short.

OH JESUS, thank you and praise you that you sacrificed your life by death on a cross that we might live. Thank you that we can live in the abundance of life now and later. Thank you for coming to set us free from the power of sin and death. Thank you for drawing us to relationship with you. We can never repay the debt we owe and so we offer our lives up that you might live your full life through us. Please be glorified in me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

My Soul Finds Rest in God Alone

I'm not sure where this blog will go or where it will lead, but I the one thing I know today is this: My soul finds rest in God alone, my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress- I will never be shaken. (From Psalm 62)

I think I need this blog for the outlet to write... yet right now I am too numb to even put down "sensible" words. So I will just go with this.... My soul does find rest in God... and in him alone... He IS my HOPE. He is my ROCK. He is my SALVATION. He IS my FORTRESS. Dear Jesus, I pray that I will never be shaken. I pray that I will cling to you and to your word. I love you with everything that I am. Take my life and let it be totally consecrated for THEE. Take my moments and my days, truly let them flow with ceaseless praise. May I delight in you no matter what goes on around me, may I take delight in you my King.